What Makes Kids Care?
Teaching Gentleness in a Violent World
It seems as though we are surrounded by violence and cruelty. According to the National Crime Survey, almost 3 million crimes occur on or near school campuses every year; that's 16,000 per school day, or one every 6 seconds. A recent study on domestic violence found that many high school boys thought it was all right for a boy to strike his girlfriend if she angered him; meanwhile, during the early 1980's, nearly 17,000 people were killed by their domestic partners.
In a world where violence and cruelty seem to be common and almost acceptable, a lot of parents wonder what they can do to help their children become 'kinder and gentler'--to develop a sense of caring and compassion for others. Raising kids who care isn't a solution to violence by itself, but you might worry that being exposed to a lot of violence -- whether it's on television or on the streets -- could make your children 'hard' and uncaring.
Parents, of course, can't completely control all of the things that affect their children's lives -- after all, children spend a lot of time out in the 'real world' which can often be harsh, uncaring, or just plain unhappy -- and children have their own personalities and characteristics that parents can't change or control. But there are some things that a parent can try to help encourage their children to become caring, just and responsible.
Are Children 'Naturally' Caring?
People sometimes think that children don't really 'see' the outside world -- or other people -- the way adults do, that they view the world from their own eyes and in their own way. But is this true?
Researchers used to believe that a sense of real caring about others came as people grow into adulthood. But now studies are finding that children can show signs of empathy and concern from a very early age.
For example, a study by psychologists Carolyn Zahn-Waxler, Ph.D., Marian Radke-Yarrow, Ph.D., and Robert King, Ph.D. observed children whose parents were hurt somehow -- either physically (e.g. father having a bad headache) or emotionally (e.g. mother received bad news and was crying). They discovered that even very young children had a pretty well-developed sense of empathy.
They reacted with concern, wanting to help or 'fix' the problem, and they offered comfort and compassion to the parent who was hurt.
For instance, one mother had an argument with her husband and began crying. Her daughter, who was 21 months old, came and sat on her lap and became very physically affectionate: 'Then she leaned over, and kissed me on the forehead. And that just cleared up all the depression, and I reached over and hugged her. And then she began to smile, and she looked relieved.'
It isn't just young children who have these kinds of reactions. And it isn't just for their parents that they have these feelings. A few years ago, a twelve-year-old Philadelphia boy opened his own shelter for homeless people. Many studies have shown that children respond quickly and with concern to a classmate, friend, family neighbor, or to a stranger, who is being hurt. It's well known, too, that children have a natural affinity for animals and a desire to help them.
One study, by Ziporah Magen, Ph.D., and Rachel Aharoni, Ph.D. found that teenagers who were involved in helping others felt very positive about their lives and had high hopes for their own futures. 'It was a wonderful feeling,' reported one student in this study. 'My feeling as free as a sparrow made me feel glad and happy and that life is an exciting thing.'
This articles is from the American Psychological Association. In our next issue, we will discuss "What Can Parents Do?"
Shirley Rivera
Counseling Ps - Grade 5
*441-3839 * srivera@midpac.edu
Reference:
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Posted on October 25, 2007 2:52 PM | Permalink