How Can Parents Help Their Kids To Care?

What Can Parents Do?

Let them Know How You Feel
The most important thing you can do is to let your children know how much it means to you that they behave with kindness and responsibility. When you catch your child doing something that you think is thoughtless or cruel, you should let them know right away that you don't want them doing that. Speak to your child firmly and honestly, and keep your focus on the act, not on the child personally. Say something along the lines of "What you did is not very nice" rather than "YOU are not very nice!"

It's important to let your children know how deeply you feel about their behavior toward others. If they see that you have a real emotional commitment to something, it's more likely that the issue will become important to them, too. This emotional reaction needs to be accompanied by information, some explanation of why you disapprove. For example, you can say, "Look, Joey is crying. He's crying because you took his toy away. That wasn't a very nice thing to do!" or "It hurts the cat when you do that; that's why he scratched you. It isn't kind, and I don't want you to do that anymore!"

Be frank, honest, and upfront with your kids about what kind of behavior you do and don't like. Also, keep it short and to the point; the idea is to teach them, not make them feel guilty!

Role Modeling
According to a study by psychologists E. Gil Clary, Ph.D. and Jude Miller, Ph.D., there are two kinds of parental role modeling that help teach children to be caring: kindness to others, and kindness to the child.

In other words, actions speak louder than words.

If you are consistently caring and compassionate, it's more likely that your children will be too. Children watch their parents, and other adults, for clues on how to behave.

Keep in mind that if you say one thing and do another, your children will pay a lot more attention to what you do. The old warning 'Do as I say, not as I do' simply does not work, particularly when it comes to teaching about caring.

Not everyone has time to devote to volunteer work or money to donate to causes, but there are small acts of caring that can be part of your family's life. These acts of caring don't have to be grandiose. Doing a favor for a neighbor, taking a stray animal to a shelter, giving money and a kind word to a homeless person, helping out when a group of teenagers are cruelly teasing a classmate; there are all kinds of small acts of compassion that you children can watch you do, and even take part in themselves.

Try to surround your children with other people who are kind and caring, so that they have several role models.

Another thing you can do is try to find organized ways for your children to get involved. Let them know about places in the community where they can volunteer, and encourage them to join. Many volunteer organizations and churches have special programs for young people and even for children.

You and Your Child
If you treat your children with respect for their dignity, with concern and with regard for their achievements -- you help them understand that all living creatures should be treated with dignity and concern.

One part of this is to reward your children for acts of kindness. Psychologist Julius Segal, Ph.D., points out that just as it's important to let them know how strongly you feel about their unkind acts, it's important to let them know how highly you regard their kind ones. For instance: 'I saw you take care of the boy who fell on the playground. That was very kind of you, and it makes me feel very proud.'

In the next issue, the effects of the outside world on our children will be discussed. How can we counteract the influences of daily violence that exist in our world?

Shirley Rivera
CE/ Counseling
*441-3839 * srivera@midpac.edu

Reference:

© 2007 American Psychological Association
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Posted on November 7, 2007 8:40 AM | Permalink