The Effects of the Outside World

This the third, and last, of a three-part series of articles on "What Makes Kids Care?"

What About Effects of the Outside World?

Parents understandably worry that their effort at home can be undermined by outside influences, such as their children's friends, daily violence in their own neighborhoods, television shows and movies, or a culture that exalts "heroes" who are selfish.

There are a few things that you can do to help counteract these influences. for instance:

* Give them books that promote compassionate behavior. Keep in mind, though, that kids -- especially teenagers -- don't like characters who are goody-two-shoes, so look for books about "ordinary" characters who perform acts of caring and concern.

* A study at the National Institute of Mental Health found that children who see kindness on television tend to imitate it. For this reason, you may want to limit their viewing of violent programs and encourage them to watch shows that promote ideas about caring and helping.

* Find out about the movies your children want to see: are they excessively violent, do they glamorize criminals or people who get ahead at the expense of others, do they glorify violence to people or animals? While you can't shield your children from everything, a little discussion can go a long way. Ask them to think about what they saw and to consider other approaches the characters might have taken.

* Educate your children about famous altruists. Local museums can provide an inexpensive and enjoyable way to do this, as can television specials and books. Talk to them about whom they admire, and why.

Can Children Become Too Sensitive?

If your child is confronted with the harsher realities of life everyday, you might wonder whether it's a good idea to let then see even more suffering and distress. Other parents might worry that exposing kids to a harder side of life that they've never seen could traumatize the children.

These are understandable fears, and according to some experts, there are cases when children can become sensitive to the suffering of others. This is particularly true of children who are already emotionally fragile.

Not all giving is healthy for the giver; if a child starts placing the needs of others above his own, this could be a sign that perhaps he or she is giving too much.

Several schools have adopted "caring courses" for children, taking students to nursing homes and to help the disabled, and many humane societies have instituted children's "compassion clubs." You can also see numbers of children at political rallies and marches for various causes. Generally speaking, children who participate in these activities have not been traumatized; for the most part, they have adopted compassion and caring into their everyday lives and feel very rewarded by the experience. You as the parent can best judge when your child seems overly distressed.

The Indestructible Link

In the words of Dr. Julius Segal, "None of the approaches suggested here will work in the absence of an indestructible link of caring between parent and child."

What most inspires a child to grow up caring about others is the caring that the child receives. Experts point out that when children feel a more secure base at home, they're more likely to venture out and pay attention to others; it's when they feel deprived of love and nurturing that they focus on themselves and their own needs. Furthermore, that nurturing is itself a perfect role model for children.

Shirley Rivera
Counseling: PS - Grade 5

Reference:

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